up stream.

My thoughts, wandering like the blood cells roaming through my veins. Aimlessly thinking, here I am at 1:19am on a sunday morning.

I wish so badly that I could have stronger faith, ah what a beautiful thing it would be to completely surrender to the will of God. Why is this such a task for me? Why does it come so unnaturally to the human nature to let "Jesus take the wheel"? If only I could give all of my cares to the Lord, then I would be sitting pretty. To be in a place where nothing matters because I fully realize that my life is not my own to worry about anyway, that is where I want to be. What a wretched being I am, and yet every time I repent for my sin, God is so gracious that He forgives me every time, not only that, but He forgets it! That is the part that gets me, unlike our human relationships, God won't keep rubbing our faults in our faces even though we deserve it.

It's really comical because in the past 2 weeks things have gone so wrong it's crazy. All within one day of last week things took an unexpected turn. Two thursdays ago my car broke down on the toll lanes on the 91 freeway. I ended up getting towed from the toll lanes to a carrows on green river rd. My insurance only pays for 10 miles of towing, so I got towed from green river road to a pep boys in corona. Then I found out that my Aunt had 100 miles worth of towing so she let me use it to get my car home. So my car is home and my neighbor offers to look at the car, so he does and he figures out that the radiator was the problem, so we got a new one. Everyting was sweet, then Justin(the neighbor) told me that I ought to get the transmission fluid changed. So I did. Backtracking a bit, this past week was "bible blast" at my church, that's like VBS. So I was on my way to Bible blast when my car felt like it was in neutral, so I pulled over and all of the fluid that I had changed was all out of my car and on to the asphalt. It was a crazy time, and it left me wondering... why?